America Has a National Douchebag

We have a national anthem and a national bird, and we also have a national douchebag, and his name is John Sununu. Romney campaign surrogate and prototype for the current Republican Party, the ugly un-American Sununu in a raft of media interviews has sickened the body politic like food poisoning or a nasty stomach flu. Among his vituperative inanities are the following:

(About President Obama)

“I wish this president would learn how to be an American.”

“He has no idea how the American system functions”.

 “He’s lazy and disengaged.”

(About Colin Powell’s endorsement of President Obama’s reelection)

“Well, I think when you have somebody of your own race that you’re proud of being President of the United States.” 

After reading these imbecilities your first comment may well be, “Who the hell is John Sununu? I never heard of the guy.” Such is his actual significance and place in the American history books. His terribly modest claim to fame is having served as governor of lovable but diminutive New Hampshire, and Chief of Staff to one-termer Poppy Bush. In the latter capacity he specialized in ill temper, and poorly served the president he was employed to assist and elevate. Whether he is helping Romney more now or Barack Obama is mostly a judgment call.

Still, one would like to honor and celebrate the rarefied level of his douchebaggery, a man about whom it can be confidently stated “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” would be an utter waste. Some no doubt will be disappointed to learn Donald Trump is not the recipient of this highest honor, though his advocates should understand that Mr. Sununu shares many of that perversely coiffed orangutan’s best traits: shallow elitism, inexplicable self-congratulation, ugly entitlement, pettiness, gaucheness, spitefulness, self-mythologizing, absent social skills and a personality addicted to pernicious lying. All highly recommended in a national douchebag it should be remembered, be his name Trump, Sununu or Ted Bundy.

Though his physical and personality resemblance to a toad is striking, such are the fortunes of the Romney campaign that it must scrape the barrel of available surrogates for dregs as miserable as this. For unleashing this insufferable bag of wet brownies upon an innocent and unsuspecting American nation Willard Mitt Romney should be disqualified from the presidency for this fact alone.

One can fit what John Sununu understands about being an American and about the American system inside a thimble with plenty of room leftover for his genitalia.

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