Everybody, And God Himself Wants To Kill Me I Guess


My television, always a fickle companion even in the best of times, has turned on me with a vengeance in recent days. I was not surprised at all that CNN, long ago having relegated nuance, and non-yellowish journalism to the dustbin of history declared another fatwa on me, but the others have joined in too.

No sooner had the TV-induced nightmares begun to subside after Walter White was downsized with extreme prejudice out of the meth business, than here comes Vladimir Putin, wretched disease and Multiple Muslim Maniacs to take the place of him and the indelicate company he kept. Even Putin has suffered the media fate of late of judged by news producers as too demure for prime time.

Ebola has now been added to Jihadism and Republican ideology in the Axis of Evil threatening every breath I take, my television is telling me loud and clear. What is the most noteworthy development here is God’s assessment that the Republican hocus-pocus itself isn’t sufficiently lethal enough, and has chosen his newest instrument for annihilating me, Ebola, as his backup plan.

It is true that to date the Republican project to choke me to death with pollution, or cause a large, file cabinet-shaped object to fall on my head at work due to unregulated employer negligence has yet to take me off the voter rolls. Republicans, more resourceful than a cockroach in a radiation blast have devised a very imaginative alternative however, at least when it comes to voting, creating laws that do everything short of requiring Democratic registrants to fill out their voter cards in invisible ink, to putting the polling places in an undisclosed location in order to insure the desired result.

Indeed, the fear-generating component of hyperthyroid Ebola coverage is mitigated somewhat by our awareness that a brain-eating virus already has been claiming victims in our red states for many election cycles now. If one virus doesn’t get you, another one surely will, is the message I am taking home.

My television also seems to be suggesting rather coyly, but suggesting nevertheless, that while American military ferocity designed to subdue new breeds of pseudo-theocratic, militarized mafias in the Muslim world isn’t specifically intended to thwart the Ebola virus too, it might help, and surely couldn’t hurt. Keep the immigrants from coming in, and keep the bombs going out and you just might live to see another morning.

I confess that I retain a certain respect for the commitment shown by Lindsey Graham and Wolf Blitzer in attempting to convince me Khorasan is even more fearsome than ISIS, and that the lot of them are one Virgin flight (the 72 Virgins Virgin Special I guess) from coming over here and chasing me down Ventura Boulevard with a scimitar. That happens already occasionally, even though it’s usually just a case of an extra filching from the prop department. Which is more dangerous, and potentially detrimental to America has yet to be determined.

I won’t deny the power to intimidate me that my television regularly flaunts, showing me, or reminding me of videos depicting the beheading of American citizens. On the other hand, let me just say headless Americans is a condition I have become accustomed to, at least if Tea Baggers are an indication.

If that sounds harsh (or cheap, which is more up my alley) let me remind you I live in a country where the National Rifle Association is even more powerful than God. Much more, if the devastation left in their wake in Aurora, and Newtown and other lucky beneficiaries of 2nd Amendment mythology is factored in.

When it comes to my television communicating disgusting things, I should mention that the NRA ‘s style of advocacy has the intellectual integrity of the garden of skull-bearing spikes that welcome guests to Colonel Kurtz’s Apocalypse Now homestead.

I suspect the ingredient that makes NRA propaganda so potentially enticing is its promise that you at least will have the thrill of getting a shot off before your head is blown away. These days, that may be as good as it gets.



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