Mr. Orange Tells Black Lie, Brown-noses Red-Faced Radicals, And Holds His Breath Till He Turns Blue


Boehner of Orange appeared before cameras yesterday and insulted the intelligence of his fellow Americans with a zest only Republicans in possession of world-class levels of cynicism can.

Even amnesiacs remembered that only days ago Boehner’s House of Pancakes was demanding the defunding of Obamacare as their ransom for getting the government open. All but telling Americans, “Never mind,” having had a gander at polls showing his menagerie’s former strategy of connecting Obamacare to keeping the government open and paying America’s bills about as popular as jiggers of transmission fluid, he insisted that now, it is all about controlling the deficit.

Experts in the analysis of all things directional noted that this would be the very same deficit currently going down, with emphatic velocity even. It also, as coincidence would have it, is the same deficit piled high by Republicans during their years of control of the federal government, digging it deep with elective wars and vulgar tax swag to America’s wealthy, none of which they could possibly be bothered to pay for. While changing Republicans’ stupidly serendipitous tune, Mr. Orange shed prolific crocodile tears over America’s financial future, tears of such oleaginous insincerity embarrassed crocodiles rushed the courts seeking to legally change their name to alligators.

Popping out a lie that can only be described as Himalayan, Boehner claimed threatening to default on the nation’s bills is simply business as usual, and while the only flaw in this claim is its utter absence of truth, holding the nation and the world economy hostage is the exclusive innovation of Boehner’s House majorities nevertheless.

What Boehner, without question bearing the most responsibility of all the Republican players in this dirty action, by virtue of the power he alone has to actually allow a vote on the House floor that could end the crisis in a matter of minutes, with his shabby, simpering need to hold his leadership position at all costs, “leader” in his case surely the most nominal of nominal titles in the history of nominal titles, and with his vermicelli spine can’t and won’t admit, is that no previous body of representatives doing the people’s business, at least since the era preceding the Civil War, ever descended to such depraved depths of mendacity, or were so consumed by ecclesiastical ideological fanaticism as to leverage such harm against their own citizens.

Despite news outlets’ fanciful lexicon about default and the closure of government, favorites being “standoff” or “battle” or “showdown”, in reality the situation is a great deal more one-sided than those would indicate. The accurate description for what is occurring now is domestic insurrection.

Such language, and such coverage as the press favors certainly enhances Boehner’s and Republicans’ point, that what is taking place in fact is your ordinary political tiff, or to put it another way still located in the realm of politics or of traditional governance. Or that it retains the nature of normal democratic scrumming over time.  But such is not the case.

Craven careerism and denialist impulses in the press and the public at large may serve usefully as explanations for evasions of the darker reality that a dangerous aberration is what is before us now, that the perpetrators of the current crisis have become an existential threat to the nation’s stability. But the pain experienced now by furloughed workers, those dependent on unemployment benefits, families lacking enough to eat or children with insufficient nutrition is pain soon to be trickling upward. Checked you investment portfolios today folks?

Threaten everyone’s livelihood if you will, Tea Party, but as a favor to me, if you’re going to work against the interests of the American people, be so good as to finally do it carrying another form of citizenship, under whatever sobriquet you’ve chosen for your new confederacy. Or, at least do it outside the government of the people you falsely promised to serve.

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