NRA’s Eden: Pea Shooters And Their Pea Shooters

pea shooter

If men with unimpressive genitalia compensate with large cars and by toting pistols, America is on the way to becoming the world’s first bona fide Tiny Prickocracy.

In other news, halcyon days these are indeed for the weak-minded and the weak of character, and I’m not simply referring to Steve King and Louis Gohmert being members of the United States congress. It’s also the dawning of a golden era for those with defective pugilism skills and a proclivity for getting into fights anyhow, of  clumsy boxing chops combined with macho posturing, delusions of law enforcement, racist stereotyping and traditional American dumbassery.

There were two principal issues surrounding the Zimmerman case: guns and race. Boy, was the result a supercalifragillistic fail. By the account of at least one juror…and the verdict seems to confirm it was the prevailing view…while George Zimmerman was determined to have used poor judgment, once his stalking reached the point of physical confrontation it was the boy in the hoodie who was deemed dangerous, aggressive and threatening rather than the grown man suspiciously following him for no apparent reason and packing a firearm. Well-meaning, white, neighborhood watch dude pounded on by young black thug. If ever there was a case of miscarriage of justice by stereotype god knows this was it (though clearly such instances are commonplace).

Likewise, this case was the National Rifle Association dream lived large. In states bequeathed by the three-head monster of the Koch brothers and the NRA with “stand your ground” laws, it is permissible to initiate fisticuffs or to provoke their initiation, find oneself losing the fight, and kill the opponent legally claiming self-defense. If this isn’t a coward’s paradise and the emboldening of the diminutive prick I don’t know what is.

Here’s some advice for you boneheads out there who end up in a lot of fist brawls, especially you shit-kickers in the red states as wedded to brainless scuffling as to gun mythology: assume the person you’re sparring with is in possession of a firearm and will use it to legally kill your ass if he “perceives” himself losing the fight or he simply feels like killing you, and figures he’ll be believed when claiming self-defense. Given this state of affairs why would anyone ever enter a physical confrontation without a firearm? In fact, justifying full realization of the NRA vision that everyone carry a firearm, one should assume that in verbal altercations as well one ought to be sufficiently armed, since verbal altercations may escalate to something else, and the one who ends up doing the shooting is sure to make the claim of self-defense. No witnesses? Even better.

Since preventing trigger-happy psychopaths from obtaining weapons is impermissible under the fantasy version of the Second Amendment under which we are operating guaranteeing an individual’s right to own a Glock, school kids may indeed have to start weaponizing as the NRA suggests. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Check. Milk money? Check. Armor-piercing bullets? Check. Hop on the school bus now honey.

Demented? Fucking right. On the other hand, whether it’s the influence of the NRA, a United States senate disproportionately representing the interests of smaller states and their current ideological extremism, or  a Republican House majority with the peculiar modus operandi of Monty Python crossed with  Franco Falangists this is a nation irresponsibly ungoverned and at loose ends.

Until rationality can assert control this perversion shall remain the order of the day.

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