Heavy Republican Casualties: The Reality Bombing of Fantasy Island


Reading John Boehner’s statement that, “we’re expecting over the next 22 months to be the focus of this Administration as they attempt to annihilate the Republican Party,” convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that The Speaker has been hacking into my daily thoughts and bugging my wishful thinking. Let me make it clear I am willing to testify at any competency hearing convened to assess the Speaker’s mental health that he is not paranoid: there really are people out to get the Republican Party. Most of the electorate in fact.

The Reality-based Community Air Force struck repeatedly during the last week, venerated bombardiers Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton unloading over a target rich environment of Republican bumbling loopiness and alternate reality. So unprepared apparently were Republicans for such an assault, they reacted with shock and awe when Willard Romney’s inaugural speech was not delivered January 21st but rather Barack Obama’s. Inequality? What’s that? Climate change? Never even heard of it. Medicare and Social Security saving millions of the elderly from poverty over many a decade? Says who?

Perhaps inspired by Mr. Romney’s call for the undocumented to self-deport, Boehner’s House Republicans self-annihilated on the debt ceiling threats, at least for a few months, for once, astonishingly, actually having read the polls and having taken them to heart, Americans prepared to squarely blame them for any ensuing economic damage engendered by their foolish prank. Boehner, sounding almost resigned to his demise remarked, “And given what we heard yesterday about the President’s vision for his second term, it’s pretty clear to me that he knows he can’t do any of that as long as the House is controlled by Republicans,” Boehner’s way of saying, perhaps, “You know where to find me,” as though he knew Obama was sending Samuel Jackson over to deliver Ezekial 25:17  before putting him and his fellow Republicans out of their misery so the rest of the republic can finally move on.

The gun nuts took the news particularly hard this week not only that Americans are entirely fed up with the incessant gun violence, but that President Obama and Democrats in congress are determined to realistically contend with it. This resulted in another installment of Wayne LaPierre’s regular freakouts, and Ted Nugent threatening armed insurrection, again.  There is no doubt in my mind these two should have a weekly prime time show: Nothing on TV is funnier. When Mad Men returns to AMC on April 7, Wayne and Ted can be scheduled in the time slot immediately following, running with the title More Mad Men, or better yet: Even Madder Men.

Adding to Republican trauma during their Weekus Horribilis Hillary Clinton dropkicked the Republican potato heads on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee with extreme prejudice. In the Republican tradition so beautifully exemplified recently by Willard Romney Republicans on the committee stuck by their story and stuck by their script on Benghazi no matter how preposterous it was and no matter how many people (everybody) knew it. When Senator Ron Johnson, not intentionally going for laughs one assumes, told Hillary the whole Republican-concocted faux scandal could have been avoided thusly: “The point–the point I’m making is a very simple phone call to these individuals I think would have ascertained immediately that there was no protest prior to this,” the deep ravine separating Senate Republicans from foreign policy smarts or sincere inquiry was there in plain sight.

Just the words alone: “Had I been president” coming out of the mouth of Senator Non Compos Mentis (Rand Paul) put wide grins across the faces of sane America, our favorite Ayn Rand anchor baby all grown up now and ready for his close up. This very public display by committee Republicans makes it all but official: the Republican mascot is now the Speckled Doofus. Along with all the rest that happened during the week to seal an impression among Americans this is now a party that is Looney Tunes, it was a performance all but slaying, “Tha-tha-that’s all folks”.


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