Grand statesman and pioneer in the human oranging movement John Boehner said yesterday when discussing President Obama’s upcoming State of the Union address that Obama’s policies are “pathetic”. Well, I guess that settles it. With such an eloquent and incisive critique of the president’s policies perhaps Mr. Obama will cancel the speech and admit defeat.

Apparently, Mr. Orange isn’t even trying any more or is very, very tired. I imagine profound lassitude is an expected consequence of attempting to organize and direct the energies of a Republican caucus comprised of middle-aged white men agitating for the dream of a better 18^th Century world.

“It sounds to me like the same old policies,” the mighty Speaker said “More spending and higher taxes and more regulations—the same policies that haven’t helped our economy, they’ve made it worse.” Gee, never heard that line of attack before. This would appear to be the best effort from His Orangeness at a preemptive strike.

One can understand why the orange one may be anxiety plagued these days, what with Republican chances of re-taking the White House and retaining the House majority inextricably tied to the fate of its presidential nominee, the choice now winnowed down to a candidate who has the perpetual air of arriving or departing a country club lunch, and one whose “same old policies” pre-date the storming of the Bastille and has the temperament and likability of Robespierre.

So perhaps his fearfulness in anticipation of a populist or Occupy Wall Street type message from the president tomorrow night is justified, and his wearily prosaic preemptive salvo explained. One can infer quite effortlessly the origin of Mr. Orange’s words here, the language, “same old policies,” and “same policies that haven’t helped our economy, they’ve made it worse,” surely fluttering around the edges of his consciousness as he contemplates the Republicans’ tired program.

For when it comes to “pathetic,” and to the “same policies that haven’t helped our economy” but “made it worse” nothing quite fits the bill like a recipe of additional deficit-busting tax giveaways to the immensely wealthy, more free passes for cheaters and predators in the financial sector, more latitude for the health-destroying  big polluters who comprise the Republican constituency or more of the same old trickle-down economics Republicans utilized to turn a surplus into a giant deficit while driving the economy into a near depression. That Mr. Orange is a list of genuine failures of antiquity.

Ye Ole Speaker of Orange also told Fox News yesterday that in response to the president’s snuffing of the Keystone pipeline caper House Republicans may consider gumming up passage of a payroll tax cut extension for the middle class, going on the record finally with confirmation that spite is a core principle of the Republican Party now. I like the Republican message: “As punishment for Obama’s “jobs-killing” pipeline decision we’re raising your payroll taxes.”   Take that, Obama.

If Mr. Orange wishes to devote himself to a worthwhile endeavor before the speech, and finally, convincingly demonstrate some capacity for leadership he will sit down his caucus of the uncouth and provide an etiquette lesson and a patriotism refresher course designed to dissuade them from the now customary shouting of disgraceful epithets at the President of their own country in the chamber of the House of Representatives.

Maybe he could use some organizing ideas from Saul Alinsky. Google, Mr. Orange, Google.