Despite the best advice of Kirk Lazerus, Mitt Romney today recklessly made the performance choice to go full retard. The famously stinking rich silver spoon son of George Romney “joked” to out of work Floridians that he is, “also unemployed”.  Telling the gathered jobless that he should tell his “story” as well, as though he were one of them, he may have been attempting to make a funny.  That’s the only salvageable interpretation. Outside of Rotary Club rubber chicken lunches and the Fox News greenroom, this is not an example of a sense of humor, but the telltale sign of an exceedingly dumb white boy.

Let’s hope he is under no illusion future television ads by his opponents, many, many, many of them, won’t feature the Preppie Wonder making this clumsy attempt at “humor”. Two million in the bank is not necessarily a boast-worthy amount for a Boston Brahmin, but for middle class people in the rest of the world it’s an embarrassment of riches. The luxury of six or seven years not working in order to run for president twice, is not a position generally associated with coziness with the working man. In the context of a jobless economy, a leisure class candidate making such a dopey ha-ha displays a political tin ear the Tin Man himself never would cop to owning.

The problem in particular is that Romney also is selling the same plutocratic economic prescriptions other Republicans are, more of the thirty year class war against the middle and lower classes, skeweing toward the tiny sliver of the population already in possession of most of the national treasure: more tax reduction for his own class of under-taxed, coddled wealthy Americans. Under such a scenario he ought to be trying very, very hard to fade his own personal wealth and inherited luck well into the background rather than drawing further attention to it as he did today.

He begins with several disadvantages, one of them being his Mormonism, Mormonism being something like the David Lynch version of Protestantism. When people down on their economic luck at least have the succor of polygamous cocktails in their time of sorrow, the last thing they need is a president sporting a religion in which even loud neckties and carbonated drinks are mortal sins. Hell, even southern Baptists practice an admirable hypocrisy that will sanction getting shit-faced every once in a while, at least if it is forgotten by Sunday or kept quiet.  

Romney’s other problem, being a conspicuous trust-fund baby in a time of economic hardship arguably is much worse. His appearance, unfortunately, doesn’t help at all. On a good day he conveys the public image of a successful stunt double in animatronics porn, and on a bad one, that of a man who nightly sleeps in alligator loafers and a blue suit.  You assume the roughest place he has even been was Zabar’s at closing time. In light of this, the best advice to him, should he ever again be tempted to speak at a photo-op with unemployed Americans, remains that which came from the inestimably talented thespian Kirk Lazerus: “Never go full retard.”

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