It’s safe to say at this point that if there are two things Republicans know less about than sex and science we haven’t discovered them yet. And in any case, there are no two things they like as little as those, if their public statements are any indication.

Santorum discusses sex as though discussing sticking his hand into a toilet tank, and all but confesses what we’ve long known: the anti-abortion push is really an anti-sex agenda, not a pro-life crusade of any kind. Evidence of the former is everywhere discernible. Evidence of Republican concern for life other than in the womb is hard to find.

A couple of years ago Rick Santorum said: “This is who the Democratic Party has become. They have become the party of Woodstock. The prey upon our most basic primal lusts, and that’s sex. And the whole abortion culture, it’s not about life. It’s about sexual freedom. That’s what it’s about.”

Yuck! Sex! Cooties!

For the record, this guy travels in time more than Guy Pearce. One minute he’s in revolutionary France, the next pre-Twentieth Century America, the next, the 1960’s. Phone home, Rick Santorum.

The three-head Republican Axis of Evil now: climate change, evolution and booty. When it comes to reproductive health for women we’re looking at a Republican double whammy of dense.  Sex and science combined, equals hysterical Republican no-nothingism of a remarkably retrograde and Puritanical cast. How far backward the party is willing to follow Santorum and some Republican members of congress in demonizing contraception we’ve yet to learn. But it can’t be long before chameleon Mitt changes color on his newest rock, perhaps following the Santorum lead when he said,  “One of the things I will talk about that no president has talked about before is I think the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea … Many in the Christian faith have said, ‘Well, that’s okay … contraception’s okay.’ It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. ”

Party like it’s 1399. Going even more Taliban on female sexuality and reproduction, Republicans claim, defending the punitive and medieval proposal in Virginia requiring invasive, medically unnecessary trans-vaginal ultrasounds for every woman seeking to have an abortion,  that if women didn’t mind the intercourse they shouldn’t mind the insertion of a medical instrument into their vaginas against their will.  Republicans are into some very rough sex or some very bad sex, by the sound of this.

Of course, if you hand a Republican all the research on the relationship of fossil fuels and the industrial revolution to the accumulation of myriad data on the warming of the Earth’s climate he will tell you that it snowed last year in Minneapolis so the global warming thing is all hooey. And of course, the Koch brothers and Exxon have explained that environmental regulation that improves your chances of breathing in the following decades, and inhabiting solid ground is a communist plot. This is pretty much the level of their defense of Byzantine anti-abortion measures.  Crude.

Don’t be shocked when you are read the  planks tucked prominently into the next Republican platform: Sex only in cases of Friday night, with an  an intent to procreate; babies delivered by storks in seven-mile per gallon V-8 powered covered wagons. Kill several birds with one large, oily, abstinent ball of stupidity, I say.