Romney’s Lowest Common Denominator Road Trip

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Mitt Romney sought to establish his “foreign policy credentials” with an attempt at a showy, splashy string of foreign visitations and he established them alright, established that they are not very good and not very appealing. The good news is that after forging a path of rhetorical and diplomatic destruction across foreign lands we aren”t at war with anyone as a result, at least as of today we aren’t, and Romney has so far not screwed up relations with the Grand Duchy of Fenwick, the fictional nation from The Mouse that Roared.

If you retain the average Republican’s disdain for everyone beyond our borders, despising foreigners almost as much as they despise most of their fellow Americans a pat on the back is in order for Willard Romney. If he can do for our relationships with other traditional allies what he did for British-American relations the Pentagon is going to be ecstatic. What with so many new potential foes and the expected budget bump the military-industrial complex surely experienced with Romney’s trip a perpendicular non-Viagra assisted hard-on.

The cornerstone of Romney’s primary campaign and presidential campaign to date has been an observation of the lowest, craziest, most divisive, demonizing tropes from the rest of the field of hardcore ideologues and then adopting them as his own with a little exacerbating and gratuitous nastiness thrown in. A hateful zealot by vocational necessity rather than by principle or conviction he first apes the outlandish positions of his manifestly radical, irrational and irresponsible compatriots and then clumsily attempts to up the ante.

Transporting this modus operandi to distant regions he undertook to pander for American Jewish votes in a manner so whorish as to cause strumpets to blush, needlessly and viciously insulting Palestinians and by extension the Arab world with the same foolish regard for short term benefit at the expense of long term disaster that has become the Republican operating philosophy in all things. Childishly bloviating about bombing Iran Romney cemented the perception there is no place in his approach to governing and certainly to foreign policy for thoughtfulness, deliberation, statesmanship or cool calculation, just the same penchant for hotheaded movie dialogue used so ineffectively and embarrassingly by George Bush, proving again that pretend bravado creates the opposite of the intended impression, of a wiener playing at being tough rather than toughness.

Perhaps the most witlessly clueless thing Romney uttered during his caravan of gaffes and rhetorical blunders was to tell the Poles, “In the 1980s, when other nations doubted that political tyranny could ever be faced down or overcome, the answer was, ‘Look to Poland.” This stupidly overlooks that Romney’s own political party and political predecessors were those loudly proclaiming in garishly absolute terms that indeed political tyranny could not be faced down or overcome, championing as they did the Kirkpatrick Doctrine (Credited to Reagan UN Ambassador Jeanne Kirkpatrick) which declaimed that totalitarian nations could only be conquered, vanquished through mutually destructive full-scale war, but could not change, could not reform or peacefully transition to democracy as of course Poland and other European satellites of the Soviet Union (and the Soviet Union itself) eventually did, as American anti-communist liberals always asserted correctly they could. On the bright side Romney’s gift for unintentionally trumpeting his own ignorance once again was proven undiminished.

Apparently Romney’s campaign remains convinced there was genius in Karl Rove”s rally the base to a fever pitch approach in 2004, an election which in fact saw George Bush reelected with the slimmest margin of any sitting incumbent in 80 years. Whether home or abroad the presidential campaign of Willard Romney clearly presumes winning friends and influencing people is a knave’s game, much inferior to rousing the faithful to a hot, foamy lather. Keep up the good work, Mittens.

BACHMANN, REALITY PASS LIKE SHIPS IN THE NIGHT

It’s long past newsworthy when Michele Bachmann remains for another day in the low earth orbit to which we all have become accustomed, akin to the announcement that Ferdinand Franco, or perhaps Charlie Sheen’s Two and a Half Men character is still dead. Still, one can’t pass the opportunity to pay notice to an inopportune Bachmann moment without dutiful ridicule at her expense.

The Grand Dame of Government Doesn’t Create Jobs took her presidential carny act to an Iowa factory that specializes in the manufacture of traffic signals. She threw the usual wild pitches of soft marshmallows at the head of the current president, before spooling out the usual tiny government tis paradise fantasy, telling those unfortunate, assembled worker-props that the company would, “grow, grow, grow, grow, grow” once her Lilliputian vision is made real.

Of course, the company, OMJC Signal accrues approximately 80% of its revenue from government, according to its current CEO, Arlen Yost. This perhaps would not have come as shocking news to an average presidential candidate, given there is limited use in the home for traffic signals and their recreational use currently is confined to college campuses.

According to my hometown newspaper the Los Angeles Times, the scene unfolded thusly: It is government projects primarily that use our products,” Yost told Bachmann after showing her how a crane on one of the orange trailers rises to display temporary traffic signals at road construction sites.

Yost likewise commented later in an interview that OMCJ had added handsomely to its company coffers as the result of infrastructure spending initiated by His Royal Lowness, President Barack Obama. Adding insult to ideological injury, the traffic signals Mr. Yost had showed off, were as it turned out, solar powered, clearly an affront to the sensibilities of this champion of the glories of dirty energy, nemesis of the awful environmentalists, and declaimer of the empty future of green jobs.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the American right, the United States is covered from one end to the other with roads and bridges, punctuated by the occasional traffic light, all government-commissioned, taxpayer-paid largesse, pouring billions into the private sector companies doing the building, design and manufacturing. Do lots of this at one time, and you have what is known as (cover your ears Republican children) stimulus. This makes the economy, “grow, grow, grow, grow, grow.”

While most candidates may not have such a glaringly revealing encounter with the facts of life, keeping the alternate ideological reality and accompanying sales malarkey well clear of expositional contradictory fact, the remainder of the Republican presidential field and the rest of official Republican Land is guilty of the same ideologically fanciful falsification, a staple of its set of otherworldly convictions, and diet of daily propaganda.

Team Bachmann, however, made a nice recovery from this precarious brush with Planet Earth, according to the reporter for the Times,:

Bachmann campaign spokesman Eric Woolson said he did not know whether any of the public works spending that Obama is pressing Congress to approve would benefit OMJC. But he cast the president’s overall agenda as damaging to the economy.

“The president’s healthcare package, excessive spending, government that’s saddling business and individuals with the higher cost of government, that’s not helpful to anybody,” he said.

Like ships in the night, indeed.

 

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